I started my day by going to work and slipping into a $4.00 Walmart sheet safety-pinned together. I ended it watching a member of my team projectile vomit at Ruby Tuesday. Typical day in the life of a teacher.
Okay, maybe not.
The sheet was actually a Wilma Flintstone dress, and the projectile vomiter was 9 months old. And today represents one of the many reasons I love my job.
Our principal works very hard at team-building among the staff. I've blogged ad nauseum about our team competitions, but for anyone who may have missed those posts, click here, here, and here. Today was "Decades Day." Each of the four teams picked a decade. Members of the teams dressed as TV, movie, and musical characters from their decade. Team English picked the 60s, and our TV show was the Flintstones.
My teammate, Amanda, who seems made of rainbows and unicorns (seriously, I've never met a more positive, enthusiastic person in my life), came over last night and in a Project Runway moment of genius, turned a $4 sheet into a Wilma dress. Even more impressive, she did it armed only with a pair of dull kitchen shears and a few safety pins. Every time I thought we were done, she would say, "No wait! This makes your butt look huge. We have to fix it."
Ah, sweet, naive Amanda. So cute. She thought she could fix that in one night. Bless her heart. The dress was a bit poofy with shorts on underneath, but with our time and budget constraints, I'm not complaining.
So I got to school today and discovered I had not one Fred to my Wilma, but TWO! Wow. Wilma's a playa! She is big pimpin'. She's a vixen in pearls and white linen. She's...okay, she's none of that, but I did have two Freds...here is the photographic evidence.
My colleague, Stephanie, brought her baby and dressed him as BamBam, but because both guys on our team came as Fred, there was no baby daddy for the poor child. That's probably what drove him to the bottle after school at Ruby Tuesday. Linda was in charge of entertaining him and let him eat half a gum wrapper. In a move that belied her having raised four children of her own, she beat the child repeatedly on the back. When that didn't work, she stuck her finger down his throat. To the dismay of the adjacent diners, the gum wrapper shot across the restaurant along with the contents of his last bottle. Linda quickly handed BamBam off to his mama, called one of my Freds a name I shan't repeat, and the party broke up.
It's always a good day to be a teacher, but today was especially fun.