I'm not complaining either way. I'm writing my first blog post of the year from my deck. Goodbye Old Man Winter. Hello Spring! (The golf umbrella is necessary to see my screen. YAY SUN!)I started my day off with a long overdue cut and highlight from my friend and hair stylist, Sheri. When I sat down in her chair, I noticed the television.
"Are you watching reruns of Lost?"
"No. Something on Lifetime's movie network."
I didn't even know there was such a thing, but then, when I sit down to watch TV, it's usually with something specific in mind. Anyway, the movie playing caught my eye because four women were running and screaming through a jungle.
"Why are they in the jungle?"
"I dunno. I was watching something before this and I just didn't change the channel."
She offered to change to something else, but I wasn't there to watch TV. We usually gab the whole time she's doing my hair. A foil highlight is labor intensive and time-consuming and allows a lot of time to catch up. Sheri is fun to talk to because her irreverent sense of humor mirrors mine. I guess that's why our attention kept returning to the Lifetime movie.
"Oh hey, look. There's only three of them running and screaming now."
"I think the other one fell down, and they left her."
"Their hair looks really good for having run through the jungle for the last 20 minutes."
All three women had long, flowing, artfully-mussed locks. Two blondes and a brunette. The missing girl was also a brunette. By the end of the movie, only the blondes remained. I felt good about my decision to highlight my hair back to a golden blonde. My survival chances are increased if I ever run and scream through the jungle.
"Must be hard to run in a tight mini-skirt and no bra."
"Seriously. Why is this show on Lifetime and not Spike?"
All three women were busting out of their blouses. They obviously hadn't planned on a sprint through rough terrain when they dressed that morning. In fact, it looked like they had planned on hitting a club...or a street corner. They didn't stop screaming long enough to explain how they ended up in the jungle.
We went back to our gabbing until Sheri asked, "Why is the prettiest girl always the most hysterical in these situations?"
I looked back at the television, and sure enough, the blondest, bustiest bimbo was blubbering inside some kind of concrete bunker. The less blonde, less busty bimbo tried unsuccessfully to calm her down. The calm one sat with her back to a wall. The blubbering girl stood in front of an open window.
"Whoever is chasing them is about to grab the hysterical one."
And right on cue, a wild-eyed man reached through the window and grabbed the sobbing girl. He led her at gunpoint back to his lair where he tied her up, waved his gun, and ranted a lot. His ranting lasted long enough for the more sensible girl's boyfriend (at least I think he was) to charge in and save the day.
Sheri and I continued to narrate the movie in the tradition of Mystery Science Theater 3000, but I can recap the whole thing in one sentence. A good guy and a bad guy square off with several expendable, running, screaming bimbos as window dressing. On a network whose demographic is women.
Come on Lifetime. You can do better. Women like romantic heroes, but a romantic hero doesn't exist without a heroine. A bimbo is NOT a heroine. A heroine is just as likely to rescue her man as she is to be rescued by him. If the executives at Lifetime need some examples of strong, capable women, I can recommend several good romance novels.
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